issue fifty

they took us to the red desert on this one: “5SOS5” review

Hello all! I return to your inbox having barely survived what seems to be the most fragile-vibed weekend many of us have suffered in a good while, and that is in fact why this newsletter is late. Sorry about that, but in the meantime trust that I have been streaming and studying to prepare for the review we’re going to discuss today. 

My favorite collective of tall Australians is back in full force, and they delivered a magnificent album on Friday, September 23rd. My friends and I first listened to “5SOS5” after months of preparation (not including the 3 stops of their NA tour we attended) with McDonald’s in hand, lights dimmed, and speakers loud as hell. It was an immersive experience, and of course I have much to say of it. 

The album itself was conceptualized and created in a desert cabin in Joshua Tree, according to the band (side note shoutout to the Spotify canvas where they said they fueled that trip with cold brew and vibes, because same). The isolation induced by the COVID-19 pandemic encouraged the band to look inward and reflect upon their core goals and sound, which led to a project mainly written and produced by the four members, with a few longtime collaborators during the mastering process. John Feldmann is on thin ice, but gaining his parole in my eyes for giving us “Caramel”. More on that queen later.

Five promotional singles preceded the album’s release: “COMPLETE MESS” and “Take My Hand” in the spring of 2022, “Me, Myself and I” and “BLENDER” during the summer of their most recent tour and “Older” released spontaneously before the record, featuring lead vocalist Luke Hemmings’ fianceé Sierra Deaton in a romantic piano duet. Each single presented a different insight to the sonic narrative of the album, mixing acoustic pop with expansive guitars and retro basslines to support the earworm lyricism of a mature pop hook melody. With that said and the full contents of the album bouncing around my brain right now, I’m a little pissed. 

Once you have borne witness to the full scope of the sounds of this album — which are larger than life, atmospheric and versatile — you simply have to start ignoring the promotional singles. Simply put, they were not representative of the spirit and strengths of the record (with the exception of “Take My Hand” and “BLENDER”) and they pale in comparison to the album’s strongest tracks. It seems that this promotional path has been righted if at least a little, because “Bad Omens” (probably the thesis of the whole album and one of its best tracks) is now a single with late night performances and a cinematic music video, the latter of which featuring an all Ukrainian crew and cast in the first international commercial video shoot in the country since the war began, and a female lead with some really unfortunate flaxen cornrows. 

Back to the overall sound: I honestly didn’t know what to expect given the sneak peek context of the singles. I was hesitantly expecting an acoustic vibe with some bops here and there for the rhythm section girlies. I received both categories with exceeding excellence, and a fresh sound that is wholly distinct in a familiar way yet still the introduction to a new path of a more authentic 5SOS. 

The guitars are soaring. The bass is grooving in literally incomprehensible ways beamed down to Calum Hood from angels above. The drums are driving and strong, and lead each track into a unique rhythm. The lyrics are so insane that I feel like I’m going to rip out my hair thinking about them, so I’ll circle back to them in the following track by track breakdown, but y’all. It’s so good. Order has been restored to the musical atmosphere and I should have known these men wouldn’t steer me wrong. Let’s get into the breakdown and ranking. 

1. COMPLETE MESS - This is a nice song. As an opening single, I’m not entirely opposed to it, and I think it’s still a nice vibe here and there, but I’m probably gonna skip it on shuffle and it direly needs to be switched with rightful ruler and opener “Bad Omens” in the tracklist order. 6/10

2. Easy For You To Say - This sleeper banger really grew on me after hearing it on tour. The instrumental is just so good, and the build of the energy through the end of the outro takes you on a RIDE! 8.5/10

3. Bad Omens - All hail. This track’s ONO version haunts me to this day and I honestly prefer it to the studio, but the existing streaming version will suffice enough as a representation of the best of the album: swelling, belting and galloping into the sunset on the wings of pop rock. 8/10

4. Me Myself & I - Honestly flopped. This is a fun little song, but if it was missing from the single lineup and tracklist I wouldn’t even be mad. There can only be so many ass-shaking-bassline-to-falsetto songs on this album, and sadly, this one is not one of them. 5/10

5. Take My Hand - Joshua Tree Version - The “Joshua Tree Version” in this title is doing some seriously heavy lifting given that it just adds a 40 second spacey outro, but I’m not mad at it at all. This song is still magical and carries the album to new heights with ease. 7/10

6. CAROUSEL - There is a trifecta that exists in my mind that consists of this, “Take My Hand” and “Bad Omens”, and it paints a beautiful picture. This beat is so smooth with the bass, and the chorus just loops the perfect refrains of the rat race of fame this band has lived for the last decade. Very much manic-pixie-soundtrack for those moments when you’re sprinting down a dark road a la Dare Me finale. Delicious. 8.5/10 

7. Older (feat. Sierra Deaton) - Let’s all be real right now. This song does not need to be on this album. The morbid love story is disjointed with the narrative, the feature is unnecessary for a number of reasons, and the sheer Lana Del Reyification of the “cocaine colored wedding dress” lyrics needs to be dealt with and shunned. At least the melody is sweet. 3/10

8. HAZE - If you take one of those microscopic surgery camera things, and get a scalpel and open up the left upper chamber of my heart, like next to my lung cavity, that is where this song lives. Beamed down from above in a ray of golden light and the sound waves of the 2nd verse bassline, I literally cannot stop listening to this song. I can’t. I literally can’t tell you the feeling this song gives me other than the Nicki Minaj “Shooting Stars” GIF where she lifts off and rockets to Prague. I have a Spotify playlist for songs I wish I made if I were a musical artist, and this song is currently occupying like 20 of those spots — that’s how locked in I am. It’s lilting and dark, hypnotic and bouncy, she contains all the multitudes a song could ever hope to contain. It’s the perfect love song and somehow a lament of lost time and past mistakes at the same time. It’s synthy and resonant and echoing. It’s 5SOS, and I think it’s perfect unironically. I have to scream right now thinking about this song. I need to snort this song like a line. 10/10  

9. You Don’t Go To Parties - I love when these guys get into a little country groove. Also shoutout to the beat that randomly has me jumping in contrast to the tempo of the chorus. If it’s one thing Calum Hood is gonna sing, it’s a love song, and he does it so well. 8.5/10

10. BLENDER - Y’all know I ride for her. This song is unequivocally the best single in my mind, and it’s never gonna stop being that girl. Live, studio, whatever circumstance or venue – I will listen to this damn song (on loop because it is too short). When the 80s inspired drums and bass hit (cough cough Talk Fast), I’m always gonna be sat. 9.5/10

11. Caramel - Even if this was not the Valentine-core bedroom ballad we were manifesting, it still presents such an interesting break in the sonic path of the album. The soul influences and lazy drums give the track such an ease to it, and generally build a soundscape that is both smooth and immersive. Great replay value, and I will be bookmarking this for my song of the summer next year. 8/10

12. Best Friends - I also love when these silly guys get on their guitars and sing about being absolute soulmates. Every album has that track, and this one is just so much fun. I can imagine it going crazy in the pit on the eminent 2023 summer tour, and I need to be in that place screaming it with my friends. 7.5/10

13. Bleach - Besides the intro vocals that give me very much “Midnight” by Coldplay, I find myself wishing for more from this track. It’s catchy and emotional, but feels like a WFTTWTAF reject for me. The only “Bleach” I will be acknowledging at this time is that which is both masterfully penned and sung by Ellie Goulding. 6/10

14. Red Line - This here, this is my girl. This song is for the girls who cry on the CTA (not the London tube) in the winter, the languishers and lamenters, including those in this very community. I’m gonna be thinking of “The actor says he hates himself” for many years to come, so please trust that it’s barely sinking in right now. It’s a better version of “Bleach” and overall a very catchy, easy listen if you ignore the pain and darkness! 8/10

15. Moodswings - My friends and I have agreed that this song gives very much DCOM soundtrack vibes, and I’m not even mad at it. Like, yes to the dramatic breakup montage! Yes, Brady from Teen Beach 2 in your treehouse studio! It’s a little corny though, and that’s why I don’t listen to it often. Shoutout to the loungey, slinky bass and random piano plinking in the second verse because it kind of eats. 6/10

16. Flatline - The Fibonacci spiral of the pop formula is held in this track. They have the riffs, the whining falsetto, the infectious lyrics of blank infatuation, the jumping and bouncing that will have the crowd LIVE at any opportunity to just let go and scream along. Pop excellence will never die and this track proves it. If seeing “Easier” follow songs like “Talk Fast” and “Moving Along” for some reason didn’t reassure you that these guys were still writing some of the best catchy pop music out at the time in the last 3 or 4 years, let this song be your gospel. This is “HAZE” and “Bloodhound” in a glossy combination that this band honestly does best of all: captivating guitar and an earworm melody. 9.99/10

17. Emotions - Guys. This song is bad. The lyrics are juvenile and surface level in the most painful way, and the instrumental is quite literally one note. This is self titled B side level. I’m offended that this MGK-ass song has their name on it, because I can’t comprehend that the mind who crafted “Jet Black Heart” as an emo rock anthem for the ages also wrote “You should know I feel some type of way/Don’t even know why/I just need a little space/I just need a little time” like? I know there are so many other examples of how this band bares their vulnerable selves and their deepest emotions, and this is just the worst possible way to do so, especially when “TEARS!” is about to come clear to everybody else with ease? The bridge is a refreshing change and Michael’s vocals sound nice enough. But I am genuinely questioning why this track exists at all, and why it is sandwiched between maybe this band’s best two pop songs thus far in their discography. It’s almost a cruel joke. I have no further comment at this time. 2/10

18. Bloodhound - TRACKS LIKE THIS are why Youngblood is their best album by default of sound and aesthetics. Young, hot and free, strutting to an insane bassline, grooving and swinging to a four-part chorus you can scream — This song is literally just hot. It’s for hot people. My literal only gripe is Michael’s verse, because whoever let that man write/sing “He took an L” on a professionally released track at his big age needs to be removed from the inner circle at once. Immediately. The second person transition of that whole verse makes no sense anyway, so I choose to act like it doesn’t exist. But to receive a raucous stomp-clap refrain bridge on a 5SOS song in our year 2022? An unforeseen blessing. You just have to get up and move. 9/10

19. TEARS! - What a CLOSER! I’ve chosen to free Ashton from corny racist Twitter jail for these 3 minutes that this song comes on, because are we hearing the material? Explicitly acknowledging sobriety and the genuine impact of the projected image that Youngblood and CALM set as precedent is the honesty I expected from him, and his potent work on Superbloom can’t be disregarded in this track. It’s excellent, sounds great, cuts deep, and will sound incredible live if it ever sees the light of day. It’s times like these we remember our fallen soldiers (“Lonely Heart” and “Lover of Mine”) who are kindred to this track. 9.5/10

There are unavoidable snags — the incorporation of the influence of Luke’s solo album sound and tragic erasure of Michael vocals in a Calum/Luke world, the tracklist burying the best half of the album by scrambling it and tucking it away in the deluxe — but overall I cannot complain. I’m obsessed with these songs and this band, and I’m gonna keep streaming them for the rest of the week while fearing for my Receiptify.

I just feel a sense of innate pride in the sheer mass of the phenomenon of this band. This release doesn’t only feel special for me as a fan, but I can feel how potent the ambition and expert intuition of the musical force of these men has been incorporated into every step of this experience. This album is undeniably a step in the right direction, and one that will prove to be as evergreen as their past ones. All praise LA fake hippies like Ashton Irwin who deliver this content to us.